Wednesday, 13 March 2013
What I want more of in my life
I didn't know what it felt like to grieve over a major loss.
Not until three years ago...... when Joseph left home.
My heart had broken into a million pieces. The tears I'd shed might have filled God's bottle to the brim. I thought I'd never survive the terrible guilt and deep sorrow to ever be whole again.
Somehow I did survive, by the grace of God.
But the sorrow is still there. It comes and goes like the tide in its intensity. I don't think it will ever go away.
It still hurts to see him leave at the end of our weekly visit. To know that if given a choice, he would much rather stay with us. To know that no other caregiver can ever love and care for him as much as we do....
Especially this week when we need to help his foster parents resolve the problems that they're having with his support workers. There is the constant fear of people resigning for a better job elsewhere.
My heart aches to think of all that we need to do to constantly ensure our son's safety and well-being. And what would happen when we are no longer here to look out for him.
Without God, I won't be able to make it through.
He is the tower of strength I run to when I'm weak and weary....
He is the refuge I seek when I'm anxious and afraid....
His arms are the ones I turn to for comfort and love when my soul is downcast and my heart is sorrowful....
And this is what I want more of in my life.
To experience more of God so that despite all the challenges I face, I can still share with others the treasures that I'm discovering in Him.
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." ~ Psalm 56:8 ~
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortressl My God, in him I will trust." ~ Psalm 91:1,2 ~
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